The reader’s forum: it’s time to have your say

Bring on Haiti
Dear Ed,
I am in a sporting vacuum. I can’t handle life without football and Wimbledon did not do the trick.

Why is it only every four years, why not every year? Do we really need to see the likes of poor San Marino, Laos or the Cook Islands flummoxing their way through a futile qualifying process? Stick them all in there. I’d pay good money to see Luxembourg versus Qatar, Haiti vs Switzerland (hey the Swiss have to attack against someone surely!) and I believe many others would too. My working day has lost all its structure, nothing to look forward to, no more early afternoon beers in the build up to the next match. If I am not careful I am gonna find myself losing weight, rediscovering my marriage and resuming work!
John Hoops
UAE

Dear John,
Did you say rediscovering your marriage? For heavens’ sake man, get a grip, and pop down to the pub. I’m sure your mates will knock some sense into you.
Where’s the chocolate?
Dear Ed,
I keep seeing your advertisements for the LG chocolate phone and cannot help wondering why it is called a chocolate phone? After all, the phone is the usual black colour like any other phone.
Vikas George
Abu Dhabi

Dear Vikas,
Didn’t you know you can actually eat the phone?! It tastes just like a Lindt. Go on take a bite you know you wanna. Oh and by the way, in case there are any slamming morons reading this, I was only kidding.

Who’s Leonora?
Dear Ed,
Every week I see a column on Dicks page by Leonora. Who is she? She seems a little complex and confused?
David Freeman,
Bahrain

Dear David,
Leonora is the ghost of Elizabeth Browning writing from the great beyond. We got absolutely plastered one night and had a séance…and you know how those turn out when you’re break-dancing round the candles. Needless to say, we convinced the poor soul to write for us.

Same old battle
Dear Ed,
I see the Battle of the Bands is looming again. Do you think that this year it will be any different to last year or the year before or the year before that? Same old same old….
Maria Lord
Bahrain

Dear Maria,
Of course it won’t be the same. Oh all right it will. I’m sure you’ll read all about it in our competitors’ rags.

Me and my soul mate
Dear Ed,
Ok, on a serious note, how in the world does a man really go about finding his true soul mate? If there is something I know for sure, it is that I truly do want my soul mate. I know we will have problems, and I know there are times when I would want to call it quits, but after all is said and done, I need her to still be my soul mate. In reality, there is a scarcity of soul mates. There are women, but they are either taken or not good enough to be taken, so basically, if she is single, I begin to wonder why, and sure enough, there is something wrong with her. In spite of all our rules and regulations, most of us still end up marrying the wrong person. Why? We are hoping for a change; a change that will not come.
Rami Jassim
Bahrain
Ed:Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz