Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
Polish sausage
A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish sausage.”
The clerk looks at him and says, “You must be Polish”
The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
“If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?”
“Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
“Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?”
The clerk says, “Well, no.”
“And if I’d asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”
“Well, I probably wouldn’t.”
“Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”
The clerk replies, “Because you’re at home depot.”
Lottery ticket
A guy comes home after losing a lot of money, playing golf.
A few minutes later his wife comes home from work with a new fur coat.
Her husband says “Hey how did you get this?” She says that her boss won the lotto and this is her share. This happens a few times, first the coat and then a car and then jewellery etc. One night the wife gets home really tired out and asks her husband to run her bath, which he then does. But only fills it up an inch.
She gets in and says to him “Why did you put in so little water?”
“Well, we don’t want your lotto ticket getting wet now do we?!”
Waking up early
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. “Boss,” he said, “The pill actually worked!”
“That’s all fine” said the boss. “But where were you yesterday?”
