‘There is no ‘NO’ without a reason...’

How safe is it to allow your children to carry mobile phones while they are outside the house and without supervision?

How safe is it to allow them to surf the Internet, make contact with strangers through chat-rooms or flick through the various TV channels broadcasting from across the globe? GulfWeekly reporter Farishta Saeed asks parents living in Bahrain how they cope with modern life and trying to do the best for their young children in an ever-changing hi-tech world.

Bahraini Mahrokh Shafi’ee, an administrative assistant, from Isa Town, said her children use the Internet on an almost daily basis.
“My children use the Internet either for their homework to do researches and articles for journals or during their free time to chat with their friends and look for the latest musical instruments,” said the mother-of-three boys Mohammed 16 years, Ali,13, and Hussain, 11.
“I don’t agree with letting the kids have computers in their bedrooms, because they will become anti-social with the family and Internet usage will be out of control.  Whilst the computer is in the living room, for instance, you are able to know what they do and which sites they enter,” she added.
Mrs Shafi’ee said her boys don’t go to chat-rooms without supervision.
“They only chat with their friends on the messengers, but if I find out that they do go to chat rooms, I would do my best to monitor it in order not to give them a chance to enter unacceptable rooms,” she explained.
“When it comes to satellite television programmes my children are allowed to watch movies suitable for their age as well as sports and some music channels.
“I have raised my children in a decent and Islamic way, so what they listen to or what they are exposed to would, in no way, affect their morals or beliefs, therefore, I don’t mind them listening to any kind of music they like.”
The boys, said Mrs Shafi’ee, also have mobile phones.
“Mobile phones have become a necessity.  For instance, if they go on an outing with friends, phones would be the easiest way to find out if all is going well.
“They only call friends, and I have budgeted their call credit so that it won’t exceed BD10 every two months.  I do monitor their calls when I find it necessary, but at the same time I respect their privacy.”
To occupy their free time, the boys take part in various activities and hobbies.
“My boys are very much involved in music and sport, they are Second Dan in Taekwondo.  They attended the Bahrain Music Institute and have a private small band at home. Therefore, I feel my kids are always busy doing something useful,” she added.
Mrs Shafi’ee said the children of this generation are very intelligent.
“We as parents have to have an answer to all their questions, therefore, I make sure I read and learn about anything they like and are interested about.
“Children today are also more exposed to the outside world than the children of yesteryear, and that’s why back then children were like robots that functioned whichever way you programmed them, unlike the children today who must have a good reason for whatever they have to do,” she said.
Palestinian Rola Jayyousi, a housewife from Riffa, has two daughters, Rana, 12, and Maya, nine.
“It is very difficult to raise my kids in this fast and hi-tech world while trying to teach them the importance of moral values.  I always feel that I need help to make the right decisions,” she said.
“My eldest daughter uses the Internet.  She has her own e-mail address and chats with her friends.  Having said that, I only allow her to use it during the weekends and while I am at home.
“Fortunately Rana is not addicted to the Internet like others of her age, maybe because I have controlled the situation until now.  I am sure she would love to use it everyday like her friends.”
Mrs Jayyousi trusts her children when it comes to television programmes.
“I trust them with TV because since they were little they knew what they were allowed to watch. Rana and Maya like to watch the Disney channel but some of its programmes are not suitable for the little ones so they don’t see them,” she said.
“The same thing with songs, but the problem now is that I can’t control what my eldest daughter listens to anymore. Many of the songs contain bad words and meanings, I just hope that she realises that.”
The only thing Mrs Jayyousi has full control on so far is the usage of mobile phones.
“Thank God, this is the only thing I still can control although Rana does not like it because all her friends have had mobiles since they were nine-years-old,” she said.
“But I have an extra mobile that she can use only when she is going to be late at school or going to visit her friends.”
Mrs Jayyousi keeps her daughters busy after school hours with various activities.
“Rana and Maya do different activities three times a week. They take piano, French as well as Islamic studies classes. The rest of the week they are busy with finishing their homework and enjoying their off-day with fun activities,” she said.
“As parents we talk a lot with the girls about being honest – no lies, and respecting themselves so they can respect others and can be respected by others. I refer a lot to our religion because they can learn a lot from it.
“I always have problems with other children and the way they are brought up which is not what I like, but sometimes I feel I compromise and I agree on things that will not affect their values. It’s very hard because the girls always feel I am not fair, so I try to give in and accept so they don’t feel left out – but with limits, of course.”
Mrs Jayyousi believes there is little similarity between to the life young people lead today and those of past generations.
“We can’t compare it with the new and modern life our kids have and the new technology they are growing up so fast with.
“A ‘NO’ from my parents in old days was a ‘NO’ without discussion. Now the ‘NO’ we say to our kids is followed with one million questions and we have to convince them always with our answers, there is no ‘NO’ without a reason,” she said jokingly.
Teaching the children moral values in the present world was a difficult task, said Bahraini Yousif Al Arabi, a director of co-ordination and information, from Busaiteen.
“It is not an easy job to teach our children moral values in this fast and hi-tech world, but its very important to let them know what they will face in life,” said the father of two children, Khalid, eight, and Dana, six.
“It is also the parent’s responsibility to show the little ones the proper way to use today’s technologies.
“My children are using the Internet for half-an-hour to an hour per day but they don’t visit the chat-rooms. I teach them how to use the e-mail service and help them find what they are looking for from the Net,” said Mr Al Arabi.
“The only television channel they are allowed to watch is mbc3 as well as kid’s movies, cartoons, news and educational programmes and when it comes to music they only listen to melody songs. Whatever is not melodious is not allowed.”
Mr Al Arabi’s children have mobile phones.
“It helps us keep in touch with them while they are out of the house and make sure that they are safe,” he added.
“To occupy their free time, we take the children to parks, beaches, cinemas and malls. Dana also likes to visit her closest friends while Khalid enjoys playing football, riding horses and swimming with his own friends.”
Jordanian Wael Awni Farsakh, an engineer, from Manama, said it was difficult to raise children … but manageable.
Mr Farsakh has three children, Omar, 15, Mohammed, 12, and Mariam, five.
“This hi-tech world introduces a lot of moral values which are different to the ones we try to raise our children on. This introduction due to technology is difficult to monitor and to police,” he said. “However, we try to manage it by building good relationships with the children, allocating specific time for them to use the Internet – whether it was for surfing or chatting – and making it a point that either I, or my wife, is present to keep an eye on them.
“We have agreed, all of us as a family, on a set of rules where by certain sites and television movies are not permitted.”
Mr Farsakh said the family members depend on trust, regular discussions and a ‘family round table’ when it comes to tackling issues that arise.
“My children do use the Internet but I and my wife control the amount of time they are using it and make sure that they are not totally alone,” he said.
“My children do visit chat-rooms but to make sure that they are using it correctly and safely we discuss with them from time to time what they are chatting about and with whom.”
Mr Farsakh said that his children are only allowed to watch family programmes and movies.
“My wife Manal is very strict when it comes to movies, whether screened on television or in cinemas,” he added.
“They are allowed to listen to all songs, however, when we come across violent, nudity or bad language we discuss the issue with them and they don’t watch or listen to it anymore.”
Mr Farsakh said mobile phones were a good way to keep in touch with their little ones.
“Omar and Mohammed have mobile phones, we gave one to them to be able to contact them and keep in touch with them when they are out and also not to make them feel they are not equal to their friends.
“The boys have to pay for their phone calls from their pocket money so they don’t use it a lot.”
To keep his children busy Mr Farsakh has involved them in various kinds of activities.
“My boys do lots of sports activities to build their bodies, so they don’t have any free time.  They are also involved in musical activities.  The little one, Mariam, has started ballet dancing and she is enjoying it,” he added.
“The values we concentrate on teaching them are respect, honesty, courage, democracy and we do that by treating them with respect, bonding with them and having them as friends.
“We face lots of challenges while raising our children and the main one is the influence their friends have on them. We are living in a multicultural society, our children have friends from different cultures and social backgrounds and some of their values conflict with ours. Not forgetting the external influence we try to overcome these obstacles by keeping an open channel with our children, trusting and loving them.”