Your baby is top priority

Dear Betsy,
I enjoy reading your page every week and want to thank you for giving such heartfelt advice on many issues. 

I hope you can help me with mine. In two weeks my wife will start work for the first time since our baby was born some six months ago.
I know she does not really want to go back to work as she is enjoying being a full time mum.
I have told her she can give up her job as I want our son to have his mum with him as much as possible but my wife is close friends with her boss and she does not feel she can let her down. 
She is a school secretary and was promised a one year leave of absence, but her friend has told her she needs her back sooner.
They had some other lady as a temporary but her boss told my wife she was not as good as her and with a new school year beginning they need her as she knows all the procedures.
My wife is getting stressed thinking about it all and has admitted to me that she has no idea how she will cope with both ‘jobs’.
She is not sleeping well or eating properly and I don’t feel she has totally recovered from her delivery which was complicated and involved some surgical procedures.
At first I told my wife to tell her boss she could not find a babysitter so could not come back for work, but her boss then gave us her own babysitter as her children are bigger now and at school all day.
How can I convince my wife to follow her heart and say no to her boss?
S J G

Dear SJG,
This is not difficult. You call her boss and you tell her that your wife is not coming back to work just yet. Thank her for the offer of the babysitter and let her know that her kindness is appreciated, but your wife is not physically or emotionally ready to return to work yet as it is only six months and she was promised a year’s leave of absence. 
If the temporary secretary was no good then the school will just have to find one that is more suitable.  This is not your wife’s responsibility.
Her boss is using emotional blackmail tactics to find the easiest and most selfish solution to her problems.
She may not see it like that but that is how it is.
You wife is lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband and to be in the fortunate position of being able to afford to stay home with your new son.
Babies grow up so quickly and you should both enjoy this precious time. I have a sneaky suspicion that your wife will be so relieved that you took this action on her behalf. Discuss with your wife the option of perhaps going back to work part-time in a few months time until she is ready to return to full time employment.
No mother knows how she is going to feel about the work/stay at home issue until it happens.
I remember a young female employee of mine was due to come back to work six months after the birth of her second child.
She came back for a few days but her heart was not in it and I sent her home again and told her to take as much time as she needed.
I felt her being at work was unfair to her, her family and also to the rest of my team who were worried about her and also had to cover her work load too.
Counter-productive for everyone involved.
When she did come back to work several months later, it was part time, she was happier and more productive than she was before. 
Work place options for working mums need to be flexible and fair to everyone concerned if they are going to work.
It is worth noting also that if your wife returns to work and she is still breastfeeding then she is entitled to a specific amount of time off for this activity. 
Good luck and congratulations on passing a major parenthood test!