Make time for your friends

Last week I touched on the subject of friends and how to tell a true friend from a fair-weather friend, and while I was only really rambling, it got me to thinking more seriously about my friendships and what it takes to really be a good friend.

While we're all very different from each other and have our own ways of showing other people that we care about them, there are some basic friendship rules that run true for all of us: trust, loyalty, honesty, respect and time.

Time, last on my list but very much up there with all the other important qualities you need to have to be considered a great friend. Just as you expect your friends to be there for you when you need them, you need to be prepared to give your friends your time when called upon. We all have busy lives and it might not always be practical to take time out of your schedule when you're needed but a true friend will make the time, no matter what.

You need to spend time together. For friendships to grow and prosper, you need to put the hours in. It's one thing to go out and party together but you also need to spend some quality down-time together too. Time where you can talk to each other about everything that's on your mind - from boyfriends to that great pair of shoes you saw in the mall at the weekend.

We all need a sounding board to bounce our ideas off and who better to confide in than your best friend? Someone that will take the time to listen and empathise when you're having a petty little moan and jump up and down squealing with you when that guy you really like calls up to invite you out on a date.

All the time that you spend together is important, but the time that matters the most is the time you give when it really matters. Make time to be there to comfort your friends when they are at their lowest.

When your own life is falling around your ears you still have to make the time to deal with your friends stresses without letting them know you have problems of your own. Your time will come and she/he will be there for you when it's your turn to fall apart but you get what you give, so give off your time even when it doesn't suit you.

Loyalty is another big one. You need to always be prepared to stick up for your friend no matter what. It's something that will mostly come naturally when you really care for someone, their injustices become your own. If they've been insulted or treated badly, you'll automatically take it personally and come out fighting (verbally or otherwise).

But even if you're tempted to take the other side, you need to remember who your friends really are. They need to know you've got their back, any time, any how, any place. You'd expect it from them and they don't deserve any less from you.

Be trustworthy. Let the other person know that you can be relied on to keep their innermost secrets and that you aren't going to talk about them behind their back.

You need to be honest with them no matter what.

Friends need to know that they can always rely on each other to tell the truth, even when you know it's going to hurt them.

You don't gain anything by telling them everything is going to be OK if you know it's not.

Be honest with your friends and then be there to help them through whatever the problem is. Making them think the problem will just go away is just setting them up for future hurt and telling someone what you think they want to hear, just to cheer them up, is doing a lot more harm than good.

They might resent what you have to say at first but when the dust clears they'll know you're there for them through thick and thin and that you have enough respect for them not to sugar coat what you have to say.

Honesty goes hand in hand with being trustworthy. Don't pretend to be someone, or something, you're not. Apart from anything else, how can you know that someone is really your friend if they don't know who you really are?

To get true friendship you need to know that your friend loves you for who you really are, warts and all, not who they think you are. Be true to yourself and you'll find others will accept the bad along with the good.

Being a true friend is supposed to be about giving, not taking but while it should come naturally for you to give of yourself and time to your friends, don't be a mug with it.

Yes, you need to be there for the other person and, yes, you need to be prepared to make sacrifices for them but don't let them walk all over you.

As with any relationship, you have to know your limits in what you will and won't allow the other person to get away with.

Know your limits and make sure the other person knows them too. Just as you wouldn't want to take advantage or someone you love, they shouldn't take advantage of you and you shouldn't let them.

Give what you have to give but make sure you're getting something out of the friendship too or you'll just end up being resentful.

Accept that you're going to have up and down moments - all friendships do - but it's what you do with the bad times that will really set you aside from any other friends.

Arguments will happen and you're bound to fall out at one time or another but if your friend is someone you want in your life, you'll both find a way to get over any hurdles.