Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
Out for a few drinks with some girlies last Friday night and the conversation naturally turned to our various relationships.
One of the girls (no names, no pack drill) happened to mention that the man in her life had gotten overly jealous one night when a group of them had all been out and a few of the guys in the group had monopolised her for most of the evening.
He'd been less then happy about it and let her know it. Her attitude was that she was only being polite to his friends and that he was being altogether too possessive, acting as if she belonged to him.
It got me to thinking that in this day and age, we women are so busy thinking about our independence and that men have no right to treat us as if we were back in the dark ages, that we've completely lost track of the realities of relationships.
The truth is that when you're in a relationship you do belong to each other. Not in the 'you're-mine-and-not-allowed-to-talk-to-anyone-else' way but in the way that you have to take into consideration what the other person is feeling.
The minute I told her to put herself in his shoes and think about how she'd feel if he'd been surrounded by six girls all night and not paid her any attention, reality dawned and she admitted that she wouldn't have been the least bit happy about it.
The fact is, as women, most of us would have had the same reaction as her. I know I would have and I'd probably have stomped around saying something along the lines of 'Who the hell does he think he is! How dare he get upset about who I talk to! etc.. etc...' and I'd have felt completely justified in my shrew-like rantings but I'd have been wrong.
It all boils down to the fact that we all live by double standards. What seems perfectly normal and innocent to us isn't nearly the same for the person we're involved with. When an ex you're still in good standing with comes back into town you naturally want to go for a drink together and catch up on all the latest news and because you know you don't feel 'that way' about them anymore and just want to have a fun time with a good friend you haven't seen in a while, it seems to you that your partner shouldn't have a problem with it.
But, if the tables were turned, no matter how much you told your other half that you didn't mind at all and they should go out, catch up and have fun you wouldn't be able to help yourself from letting the green-eyed monster peep out from behind the back of your mind.
As much as we'd like to think we're forward thinking and not the jealous types, the reality is totally different and that's the way it should be because if we didn't feel some degree of jealousy it would mean that the other person doesn't mean enough to us to care if we lose them.
I've lost track of how many times I've heard people spout rubbish about: "If you're confident in yourself and your relationship than you'll be secure enough not to worry."
It's the enlightened thing to say but really it's just a load of old hooey! The simple fact of relationships is that if you're interested in someone you're going to be sure others are interested in them too and as strong as your relationship is, or as unfounded as your doubts might be, there'll always be that little fear that they might meet someone they like better than you.
As much as it might annoy us that the other person seems overly possessive, we'd be the first to shout blue murder if they didn't seem jealous at all. We'd be convinced that they don't care about us and demand to know why they're not worried that someone could steal us away from them.
The trick is to work out the difference between being protective and being possessive.
If a guy you don't know comes up and talks to you and your partner goes all Genghis Khan then you can be sure your man is way too possessive for your own good, but if he just glances over every now and then to see if you're OK, or need rescuing, then you can feel confident that he's protective of you but not over bearing.
And, if after a while he comes over, puts his arm around you and introduces himself to the usurper, don't overreact and assume he's being jealous and overbearing. Instead, feel proud that you matter enough to him that he wants the other person to know you're off the market ... but respects you enough not to make a fuss about it.
