Don't remain angry forever

I talked about feelings of hurt and the importance of letting go of the past last week but I didn't really get round to talking about practical ways of going about it.

It's one of those things that is so much easier said than done. Simply saying it isn't going to make it so and depending on what it is you need to let go of, there are different ways to go about it.

Letting go of something major that happened to you in the past can only happen when you open yourself up to forgiveness. It's the inability to accept what happened and forgive the person that did it to you that eats you up inside.

It keeps you angry and often turns into bitterness and resentment, which in turn leads to depression and a whole host of negative feelings that will inevitably make your life more and more unhappy.

With that said, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel anger. It's healthy and natural and also the only way to really be able to purge yourself of your feelings. Bottling it up is never a good thing as it will just keep coming back to haunt you.

Accept what's happened as something that can't be changed and then let the anger you feel come out. Whether you need to confront (no violence, please) the person or you just need to write it down, do whatever it takes - within reason - to healthily get your anger out of your system. And, once you're no longer angry, you'll find that forgiving the person will come almost naturally.

It won't really be something you have to work at or even think about too much, you'll just suddenly realise one day that you don't feel bitter towards them any more.

Understanding can play a large part in the whole process. You don't ever have to agree with what it is they did but if you can find a way to understand why they did it, it will help you to accept it more easily, which in turn will make it easier to forgive and let go of the anger.

Forgiving them is an important step but forgiving yourself is even more central to the healing process. Often we blame ourselves as much as we blame others for the things that have happened to us.

We think that if we'd been more careful or more aware of our surroundings we might somehow have been able to avoid the situation.

We think that we must have done something to make it happen and until we let ourselves off the hook or come to realise that there's nothing we could have done to stop it, the issue can never really be laid to rest.

Not all anger and resentment in our lives stems from major events that have happened to us. Letting go can sometimes be about something as common as an argument with a loved one and just because it wasn't a life changing event doesn't mean it's any less important to let go off.

In such cases our egos are often our biggest enemies. Thinking that we're the ones in the right can make us stubborn and resentful of the other person and a situation that could be resolved relatively easily can often escalate into something much bigger.

By refusing to see the other person's side of things we make them resentful of us and what started off as a small disagreement can grow into a lifelong feud, with both sides digging their heels in for the duration.

Agree to disagree and find a way to compromise on the issue without compromising your own beliefs. With a little effort a solution can always be found that will keep both sides, if not happy, then at least content with the outcome.

If you're a person that's prone to anger and holding grudges your life is going to be a series of angry moments and days filled with bitterness.

The energy you give off is the energy you get back and the more negative it is, the unhappier your life will be. Open yourself up to good positive energy and you'll find that you'll be a lot happier on a day to day basis.

A few years ago the general consensus was that only hippies and arty-farty people resorted to yoga and meditation but more and more we're accepting it as a valid way of relaxation.

If you think about it, relaxing in a warm bath surrounded by candles with a cool glass of your favourite tipple isn't really much different from finding a quiet place to sit ... and contemplate and at the end of the day that's really all that meditation is.

People will tell you there's a correct way of doing it and that you need to visualise a white light or picture yourself on a warm, sandy beach and if, like me, you've tried doing that and can't seem to get the hang of it, the tendency is to just give up and put it down as a load of old hooey.

In reality, all it takes is a quiet space and some relaxing music and before you know it, the swirl of angry thoughts or worries and stresses of the day really do melt away.

You don't have to try visualising anything, you just need to relax and think of whatever's on your mind in a calm manner and more often than not the answer you need will just come naturally and any anger you feel will evaporate.

"Look inside yourself" doesn't have to be a scary sentence that you don't understand, it simply means if you calm down and allow yourself to breath slowly and relax you'll generally find the solution to whatever is bothering you.