God bless Ella

Recently, one of the brightest lights in my world was extinguished, forever.

Isabella (Ella) Paris Ramsay was the best mother a girl could have wished for. She was not my birth mother. She was more than that, much more. We 'adopted' each other.

For some 35 years she has been one of the most important influences in my life and her typically canny Scots advice has guided many of my life decisions.

Her only daughter, Ellis, and I became firm friends when this farmer's daughter left the country behind and moved through to the big city of Edinburgh.

I had no family or friends there and was always broke, cold and hungry and the Ramsay family took pity on me. Ella and her wonderful late husband Bill, her sons, Craig, Colin and Billy got used to me popping over for a home-cooked meal and promptly falling asleep on the carpet in front of the fire!

They used to tease me about it but Ella took it as a huge compliment that I felt so 'at home' that I was (shamelessly) able to do this.

She and Bill and Ellis drove me to the airport the day I was leaving in November 1980, a naive young girl, to begin my job with the Hilton in Bahrain. Sensible advice was liberally dispensed by all of the family but Ella just told me to 'be myself' and to remember that whatever happened in my life, she would always be there waiting for me in Edinburgh. And, she was.

After the sudden death of her beloved husband, in 1991, Ella stumbled a little but typically put on a brave face and got on with the business of making sure everyone else was fine.

So typical of her selfless, caring attitude, Ella was always taking care of those around her, even when they didn't realise they needed taking care of! When she was 80 years old, she still talked about helping out the 'old age pensioners', forgetting she had been one herself for 20 years.

She was stoic in her resolve that 'everything would be all right', that 'anything could be worked out'. She reminded me of this whenever I was facing difficult times in my life and it gave me the strength and courage to face up to my challenges.

Ella was from a generation that had suffered the horrors of war and realised the importance of hard work and commitment. She taught me that everyone and everything in life is to be valued and self pity is a waste of time and energy.

She was in the army during the war and suffered a debilitating back injury that was to haunt her for the rest of her life, but despite that, she was always on the go, kept her house as neat as a pin and her drawers and cupboards were immaculately organised.

I would have travelled half way round the world for her home cooking (and I frequently did!) and when she knew I was coming 'home' I would arrive to find a pot of my favourite leek and potato soup on the stove and the electric blanket on my bed, even in high summer.

A seasoned traveler, Ella had been on several 'around the world' trips en route to visit her daughter who moved to New Zealand in 1981. She and Bill always had great travel stories to tell and they fell in love with Bahrain from their very first visit in the early 80s.

Her sense of humour was legendary and we would always have a good old chuckle when I phoned her each week. A shopping trip together often saw us collapse in fits of giggles as we teased each other mercilessly and it was not unknown for the shop assistants to be creased up with laughter at our antics by the time we left the store.

She taught me how to pack a suitcase to ensure that every inch of space was utilised and that my clothes came out without a single crease when I unpacked them at the other end. I never forgot that.

She taught me many things; patience, compassion, understanding, perseverance and the importance of just being there for others and giving them that most precious gift ... your full attention. Listening was something Ella did brilliantly, dispensing advice was something she did sparingly and suffering fools gladly was something she never did.

She shared in all of my most important life moments, both happy and sad, my marriage, the birth of my two sons, opening up my first little beauty salon, passing my driving test, losing my wonderful grandfather, watching my marriage die, surviving divorce and ultimately, seeing me heal and move on to a new, happier, chapter of my life.

When I telephoned her recently, I knew instinctively it would be the last conversation we would have and when I hung up, I willed myself to remember that conversation in great detail.

She was feeling a bit weary and for the first time in our relationship, the roles were reversed and I was playing the part of 'Ella'.

I talked about seeing her soon and taking her shopping in Peebles, driving up to Dunkeld for lunch and having dinner at Roganos in Glasgow, and by the end of our chat, her unique infectious laughter was ringing in my ears.

That is how I will remember you Ella, full of love and laughter, inspirational even in death.

The void you leave behind will never be filled, but the memories you leave behind will never be surpassed.

Good night Ella, sweet dreams and God bless you.

BETSY SAYS RELAX

Count your blessings. Seriously, write them all down and as you do you will realise how much you have to be thankful for. All those silly things that we let ourselves get upset about will soon pale into insignificance.

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING THIS WEEK

Don't be afraid to let your dear ones know they are loved. The precious gifts of family and of friendships can never be appreciated enough.