Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
W hy is it that it can be so hard to say what you want to say when telling the truth is held in such high regard?
Whether it's telling a colleague they have bad breath, admitting to a friend that her favourite pair of jeans make her look like a baby elephant or opening your heart for the first time to the one you love, telling the truth seems to be one of the scariest things in the world, and yet being lied to is thought of as one of the most unforgivable sins.
The obvious answer is that we don't want to hurt the other person's feelings and telling them something they might be embarrassed about, or simply not want to here, is guaranteed to smart the ego a little but when it comes down to it, each and every one of us would want to know if the tables were turned.
It might turn my cheeks red and make me want to hide under my desk for the next millennium if someone I worked with told me my breath was ranker than a wrestler's armpit, but I'd much rather know about it than be left in the dark and wondering why no one wanted to stand close to me for any length of time.
Equally I'd rather someone burst my bubble and told me that I'm walking out the door looking like the Pillsbury dough boy when I've somehow managed to convince myself I look like the next Kate Moss, then walk around totally oblivious to the fact that what I'm wearing is spreading hives on all who set eyes on me.
And before you say anything, yes I've heard the whole 'it shouldn't matter what any one else thinks' argument and that if you're happy with the muffin-top-spare-tire inducing skinny jeans then who cares? It sounds good in theory and seems like a good thing to say to someone when their feelings are hurt, but how many of us can actually say that other people's opinions honestly don't matter to us on some deeper level? Quite aside from the fact that telling someone that is just propagating our own inabilities to tell the truth, it's not solving their problem because they don't believe it anymore than the person saying it does.
One way or another, we all have a certain amount of vanity and we all would like to think that others think we look nice. Vanity is natural and something we should all be proud to have a little of, otherwise the world would be populated by the unwashed masses and none of us would be able to stand putting our heads out our front doors. Like it or not, beauty is much more popular with each and every one of us than ugliness and to say it doesn't matter is not only delusional but also a lie.
So yes, telling the truth to someone that is going to be hurt by it is a very unpleasant task indeed but not telling it is much more unkind.
As for the other kind of truth where you're not worried about someone else's feeling but rather about having your own feelings hurt if the object of your affections doesn't reciprocate, the only real answer is to go for broke and see where it takes you.
Being scared of rejection is one of the most natural feelings in the world but at the end of the day not knowing is even worse. Yes we can fool ourselves a while that just loving a person is enough and that it doesn't matter how they feel about us, but sooner or later unrequited love is going to hurt a whole lot more than having your heart broken or ignoring the very real possibility that the other person is feeling the same way and is just as scared of rejection.
Being realistic when interpreting your instinct is a good guide to whether or not you're going to get hurt because the chances are, when you've been in a relationship for a while, if the other person doesn't feel the same way it will show in their behaviour towards you.
But apart from anything else, you've got nothing to lose by opening up about the way you feel. You'll kick yourself for wasting so much time if the other person feels the same way and you left it till late in the day to express yourself. And if the other person doesn't feel the same way as you, then it's better to know it than keep hoping that things might turn out right. Yes you'll get hurt and yes life will be miserable for a while, but then you'll get over it and move on with your life rather than wasting so much time on something that isn't there.
If the object of your affections is a decent person, they're never going to be mean or unkind when letting you down and if they are nasty about it then that's another good lesson learnt - they were never worth your love in the first place.
Whichever way you look at it, by telling the truth in your day to day life you're opening yourself and others up for a whole world of hurt and embarrassment. But nine times out of ten it will all turn out for the best in the end. So go ahead and tell your friend her hair looks like a rats nest in a hurricane and watch the sparks fly. Trust me she'll thank you in the end ... or maybe not, but at very least you'll know you've done your good deed for the day.
