Benefits of independence

I've done a lot of writing about love and relationships but what I haven't written about is living and loving the single life.

We're all so busy thinking of love as being the only real route to happiness that we completely underestimate the joys to be had as a single person.

The fear of being left alone makes us desperate to find that perfect someone and as a result we waste a lot of time throwing ourselves into relationships that are doomed to failure for that very reason.

Don't get me wrong, relationships are great and we all dream of finding that perfect someone to share the rest of our lives with but what's the hurry? How can we truly hope to be happy with someone else if we can't first love to be happy alone?

There seems to be this ticking clock that tells us that we're not getting any younger and if we don't hurry up and snag the nearest available partner, we're going to be left on the shelf, doomed to a life of loneliness.

Once we reach our late twenties, society tells us that we can only really be happy as a couple and the sooner we pair up the better.

Being in a relationship means thinking of someone else in everything we do. We have to take the other person's thoughts, feelings and opinions into consideration before making any significant move.

We tend to think alike about many things and as such lose our individuality and independence.

But what we forget about relationships is that they only really work out if you're happy in the person you are, independent of your significant other.

When I look around at all the friends I know in relationships, all the best ones are those who love to be together but refuse to live in each other's pockets.

They're independent people first and a couple second. That's not to say that they're selfish and only think of themselves, it just means that they don't rely on each other for their happiness. They know who they are and what they want and they respect the fact that the other person has needs independent from their relationship.

We need to learn about ourselves first and foremost in life before we can successfully share our lives with someone else and the only way to do that is to be single and happy first.

Without an identity of our own, our happiness becomes reliant on others and when that other person is no longer there (either by break-up or the inevitable bereavement) we find ourselves lost and unable to deal with the real world around us.

At the end of the day, the ultimate aim for almost all of us is to be part of a happy couple and as an eternal romantic I'm the first person to promote the idea of happy ever after but it takes time to find that right person and you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming so while you wait for the right person to come along you should truly enjoy being single.

We need to change the way we view being single and realise that it's a gift not an affliction. It's a time to rediscover who you are and to do things for yourself. It's a time to reassess what you really want out of life (besides a loving relationship!) and set about getting it.

It's a time to learn new things and to take the time to look after yourself, not someone else.

It's a time to learn and grow and discover who you really are and what you really think about things away from the influence of someone you love.

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

We've all had dreams of things we want to do and places we want to go and more often than not, those things are put on hold (if not totally forgotten) when we get into relationships because of a lack of time or because the other person doesn't want to do those same things.

Being single is the time to achieve those things, that way when you do find that perfect someone and your life starts to go off in a different direction, you don't have any regret for the things you could have done or the life that could have been.

We've all heard the clichŽ that you can't really love someone else until you love yourself and as corny as it sounds, it's true. If you're not happy in yourself, how can you make other people happy? Let's face it, if you can't stand yourself why should anyone else find you interesting?

Love life, embrace being single and enjoy yourself. I've said it before and I'll say it again: positive energy begets positive energy, or in simpler terms, when you're happy you draw more happiness your way so if your idea of happiness is the perfect relationship, it's more likely to come your way when you're happy being single.