'Sexting' shocker

Dear Betsy, I HAVE had a difficult week after finding sexy text messages on my husband's phone. He was in the shower and I heard his phone ping so I answered it thinking it was a message from our son who needed to be collected from his tuition.

I was so shocked to read the very explicit messages from this woman telling him exactly what she would like to do with him. She works in a company in the same building as my husband and according to him, he eats lunch with her and several other people most days.

He says it is just a harmless bit of fun and a total fantasy as they are both married. I am hurt, angry and shocked. I feel he has betrayed me and I don't believe that there is nothing between them.

Why would they send such messages to each other if there was nothing going on? Betsy, I want to know what you think and if any other readers have had to deal with this problem.

Devastated faithful wife and mother.

Dear DFWM,

I am sorry to hear how upset you are, but I bet there is not a woman reading this who would not feel the same way ... even the woman who has been sending such intimate texts to your husband. I wonder how she would feel if another woman was sending these to her husband?

It may be that nothing intimate has happened between them, but these texts show that, in the least, they are interested in each other, perhaps bored with their lives and looking for a bit of excitement.

In my opinion, this is dangerous and could easily lead to other developments between them.

In my book this is a form of unfaithfulness, and you should ask him how he would feel if he found similar texts on your phone from another man? Of course he would assume that you were being unfaithful and he would be just as angry, hurt, confused and shocked as you obviously are.

It is a blatant betrayal of trust and once trust has been lost, it can be very difficult to find again.

You need to take a long hard look at your marriage. Why would he be doing this? Are you both so busy with your work and the children that you have no romantic time for each other?

It is all too easy to get caught up in humdrum domesticity and chronic tiredness, resulting in a loss of libido for both men and women. When was the last time you spent some private time alone and really showed your love for each other?

This could turn out to be an important wake-up call for both of you. It is easy for relationships to become stale, so you should both agree to put some spice back into your marriage.

A good way to do this is to have a regular 'date night' with each other. Either get the kids to bed early or send them on a sleepover (you can offer to reciprocate with the other mum) and spend time getting ready for your date.

A date night could mean something as simple as going to the cinema together or having a romantic dinner at your favourite restaurant or simply curling up together at home after a light dinner.

The main point here is that this situation has made you both look seriously at your marriage and it is a good opportunity to find ways to improve your lives together and re-examine your goals and dreams as a family.

He needs to understand what he has done is wrong and that it has threatened your marriage and I hope that others who may be tempted to indulge in 'sexting' as some have dubbed it, will think twice about the consequences.

I have no doubt there are other readers out there who have had similar experiences, so please email me and share your thoughts and advice with us.

Personally, I would be tempted to confront the other woman ... would she like her husband to know what she was 'sexting' to another married man?

BETSY SAYS RELAX

BETSY SAYS RELAX

SING your heart out and you will literally help your heart. Singing your favourite songs, whether you have a good voice or not, is a great way to relieve stress and stimulate the release of those feel-good endorphins. It can help you relive those times in your life with songs that have a special meaning and bring back happy memories. Lower blood pressure, less depression and more optimism, what's not to sing about?

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