Noisy neighbour

Dear Betsy, WHAT can I do about my neighbour constantly making noise? We live in an apartment and she and her husband just seem to shout about everything and we can sometimes hear them screaming at each other, it sounds like a war going on sometimes.

I am as tolerant as the next person, but this is becoming too much. I feel sorry for the lady, as I think she and her husband have problems and at night it can go on until the early hours.

When they play music it is so loud I can clearly hear the words of every song as if it was playing in my own house. I have asked my husband to say something to the man, but he says it is not our business and we should ignore it but since it is a nightly event, it stops me from sleeping or wakes me up when I have work the next day.

We are six families to a floor in an eight-storey building and in the three years I have lived here, we never heard any noise until this couple moved in six months ago. Should I just call the police next time it happens? Will they do anything?

LM

Dear LM,

This can drive you quickly crazy. We need our own private space, solitude and our quiet down times to help us recharge our batteries.

Unfortunately some people are just so selfish and caught up in their own lives that they never ponder the negative effects of how they live on others. Just because they argue and shout every night does not mean they are not happy together.

Some couples thrive on this and it becomes a normal pattern for them. They may be oblivious to the fact that their lifestyle is causing you distress. You could approach the lady directly and ask her to modify their noise levels.

However, such confrontation could provoke threatening behaviour in some individuals, so be prepared for reactions.

If you do not want to go down this road, then try writing a letter saying that their noise levels are disturbing their neighbours and could they please be more considerate.

You do not need to sign the letter personally. You could begin it with 'Dear Neighbour' and end it with, 'Your Neighbours', or something similar.

If you have a watchman or management company in the building, then you could ask them for help.

Calling the police is an extreme measure and this of course would ruin any possibility of maintaining harmony in the future.

It is obvious that doing nothing is not an option, so the sooner you tackle this, the sooner you will begin to feel better. l Have you had a similar problem? How did you deal with it and what was the outcome? Share with us by emailing betsymathieson@hotmail.com Dear Betsy, I WAS reading your letter last week about the girl who was betrayed at work. I hope she is feeling better now.

I had a similar thing happen when I first joined my company and I befriended someone I thought was kind. She was not and I felt shame and sadness when she revealed my secrets to others. They were not about a boy but were personal and it hurt to know that others were talking about me.

You're right when you say it soon fades from the morning coffee gossip. Any office can be like this so you need to be strong.

Jaya

Dear Jaya,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. We all have to learn lessons in life and some of them are inevitably painful, so it helps us to know we are not alone in these experiences.

Still, we cannot let negative experiences cloud our optimism. I still believe that all humans are innately good and deserve the benefit of the doubt.

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING THIS WEEK THE current no-fly situation that has brought misery to hundreds of thousands of families around the globe and threatens many aspects of the business community, must surely make us ponder our everyday actions. How many of these 'natural disasters' like the volcanic ash fallout are caused by the thoughtless behaviour of people who show no respect for our environment? If you don't care about yourself then stop for a moment to consider the long-term impact your actions may have on the world that your children and grandchildren will have to live in.