Totally in the dark

I HAVE no doubt that for the tweenage girls this movie is aimed at, it delivered a magical story of love, loss and betrayal. However, for your average 26-year-old man who hasn’t seen any of the earlier films in the series, it was totally baffling.

Actually, I take that back. Besides not understanding the character history, the story arch is remarkably simple. There’s a love triangle, a tempestuous pregnancy and several concurrent struggles for authority.

Breaking Dawn has been hyped-up by the producers because after a long and drawn-out franchise, the relationship between vampire Edward (Pattinson) and human Bella (Stewart) reaches its penultimate crescendo.

To set the scene, Edward and Bella’s relationship has taken a turning point after getting married and now the young protagonist is pregnant with the vampire’s baby.

The pregnancy progresses remarkably quickly and Edward gets the idea that the vampire baby is going to kill Bella from the inside.
Not happy to lose the love of his life, Edward decides that Bella has to get rid of the baby and takes her to his family home to do what needs to be done to save her.

Not happy to give up so quickly, Bella decides to keep the baby, much to the dismay of everyone around her. As time passes she gets weaker and weaker until it seems like she needs something with a bit more bite than chicken soup to survive.

Meanwhile, Bella’s old flame – werewolf Jacob (Lautner) and his werewolf pack – get wind of the pregnancy and decide that to protect their kind, the child should not be born.

Jacob’s fellow werewolf and alpha male Sam (a good strong werewolf name by the way) gives the order to kill Bella and all of Edward’s family ... to me it seemed like he was over-reacting a bit.

For some reason, Jacob is still in love with Bella despite the fact she’s having Edward’s baby and ignores the order. He enlists the help of some of his werewolf friends to save the day and rushes to warn Edward and Bella of the impending danger.

Pattinson does his best to portray a convincing vampire … you know the sort; sullen and dark, but I just didn’t buy it. Why? Because he lacks the emotional depth necessary to portray such a character, however, if there’s a part in the next Barney the dinosaur movie, he’s my pick for the leading role.

As for Stewart, she’s an undeniably pretty girl but looking at her in this film I couldn’t help but wish she’d eat some pizza rather than occasionally drink blood (which we all know is just empty calories). She looked frail and gaunt and I honestly can’t tell if that was due to a great make-up artist or the poor girl needing a break from acting.

Lautner on the other hand wasn’t bad. I could believe him as a werewolf, he’s got a slightly rabid look about him due to his build and at times he can look somewhat intimidating … until you remember he was the dweeby neighbour in Cheaper by the Dozen 2.

The special effects in Breaking Dawn aren’t all bad and may even stand the chance of scooping some lesser award at this year’s Razzies.

In all fairness, for this film’s target audience it delivers everything they’re expecting and my words may be construed as sacrilege to the faithful. Perhaps the final movie, Breaking Dawn Part 2 will shed some light on the situation (not sunlight though, obviously).

Sadly, for me, I just couldn’t sink my teeth into this tweenage rendition of Dracula.

Showing in Cineco, Seef I and Saar Cineplex