Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
In the list of film franchises that can induce a Sleeping Beauty-esque coma, Transformers must be seriously challenging the top.
Despite regularly being awarded numerous ‘worst of the year’ gongs in various categories, the movies inexplicably draw mega bucks at the box office. Inevitably, a fourth instalment was commissioned for another cash-in. Could the trend finally be bucked this time?
No. No, it couldn’t. Age of Extinction (the marketing department definitely missed a trick not calling it Trans4mers) is, frankly, terrible. The problems with all the previous movies have been exacerbated here, primarily the use of plot as a conduit for explosions, loud noises and heavy usage of special effects.
Now, I’m all for exciting action, but I prefer it when it’s used wisely and sparingly to complement a solid and coherent plot, not the other way round. The screenplay probably made it all the way to the screen in first draft form considering the apparent absence of any fine combing. Logic and plot holes abound.
The story (I’m being generous here) begins four years after the last movie, with failed robotics engineer Cade Yeager (Wahlberg) finding the scrapped remains of Optimus Prime (Cullen), the leader of the Autobots and repairing him.
Unfortunately, a paranoid and tyrannical government official (Grammer) has hired a secret CIA taskforce named Cemetery Wind to search for and eliminate all Transformers, be they Autobot or Decepticon (the ‘bad’ Transformers).
Quite why the government sees the Autobots as a threat when they (quite publicly) saved humanity in three previous movies is unspecified, but when you are in dire need of a plot point to kick-start another sequel, I guess anything goes.
Anyway, Cemetery Wind forms an uneasy alliance with Lockdown, a bounty hunter Transformer with no allegiance to either robotic side, leading Prime to unite with his remaining Autobot brethren to combat this new threat.
Furthermore, tech tycoon Joshua Joyce (Tucci) is commissioned to reverse-engineer fallen Transformers from the previous films, including former Decepticon leader Megatron, in order to create man-made and human-controlled Transformers for use as military weapons in future wars. In other words, another completely flawless plan.
Director Michael Bay is one of the most divisive in the industry, and if his brand of brainless extravagance is for you and you are already a fan of the series, then you will no doubt enjoy this. Regardless of the lack of a compelling story or dramatic substance, it cannot be denied that the elaborate explosions and special effects are remarkable. The visual effects and aesthetics are truly stunning.
Unfortunately, on the other side of the coin, the style of filmmaking dubbed ‘Bayhem’ goes from the sublime to the ridiculous very quickly. Detonations occur more frequently than rain in northern England, and often in cases far removed from reality. No matter whether it’s a tree, a brick wall, or heck, even the ocean, it’s irrelevant. If you can see it, it can be blown up. It sounds amusing, but it really does get tiresome by the end of the film.
Oh yes, the end of the film. Kudos to you if you can survive the Herculean endurance test that is the mammoth 165-minute running time. This is self-indulgence at its most gluttonous; even the most ardent fans of the series will tire of repetitive fight sequences that lose their sense of grandeur by the end.
In fact, imagine watching a Lord of the Rings film, but without any of the intriguing character relationships, a meaningful journey or memorable dialogue. Then throw in the ring blowing up in Frodo’s hand during every appearance, or orcs and humans crossing swords seemingly composed of lit sticks of dynamite and being thrown 50 feet into the air after every swipe. That is what Transformers: Age of Extinction is in essence.
Whilst a ruthless editor would have done this film a world of good, so would getting rid of the human characters that anchor the movie. While Wahlberg brings a certain goofy charm to proceedings, the human subplots are entirely superficial and the generic ‘damsel in distress’ daughter and wannabe hero boyfriend never stray far from eye-rolling stereotypes.
In the end, the decision on whether you see this movie really does depend on whether you buy into the Bayhem philosophy or not. You know you’re in for an explosive ride with some awesome visuals and relentless fight scenes, but you will have to sacrifice a few brain cells in the process. If you do take the plunge, please don’t forget to take your favourite cushion along with you. You will certainly need it.
* Showing in Cineco, Seef I, Seef II
