Yawn of Justice ...

This is undoubtedly one of the most difficult reviews I’ve had to write for this newspaper. You may have heard that Batman v Superman has polarised critics (with the majority on the ‘negative’ side) but I didn’t realise that even just watching the film in itself is a polarising experience.

When it’s good, it’s very good. The visuals are spectacular and seeing some characters finally make the transition from paper to celluloid is a delight, but all too often, many elements are simply terrible. Character motivations, thematic jumps and plot logic are taken for granted and are murky at best, downright laughable in others.

Remarkably, this is the first time DC Comic’s two main icons have appeared in the same film together. Both have had markedly different cinematic careers, with Batman fresh out of Christopher Nolan’s brilliant, genre-defining trilogy, while Superman has done nothing of note since Christopher Reeve donned the suit in the Seventies.

I hated Man of Steel, the 2013 reboot of Superman that launched the DC Extended Universe, a direct challenge to the Marvel Cinematic Universe which is essentially a license to print money.

Aside from Superman being a boring character (personally, I have no interest in a completely morally-righteous figure without flaws who can literally do everything), I had major problems with the film’s ending which saw Superman (Henry Cavill) practically levelling a city, destroying buildings and causing the death of millions during his fight with General Zod. So much for not killing anyone and protecting Metropolis!

It’s funny, then, that my own thoughts about the ending are exactly those of Batman’s (Ben Affleck) in this film, and the starting point of the plot. I wouldn’t mind some of those royalty cheques, Warner Bros!

Opening with the battle from Bruce Wayne’s point of view, we learn that he was amongst the rubble of a local branch of Wayne Enterprises, desperately trying to rescue his workers from the devastation of the collateral damage. On the other hand, Superman sees Batman as a dangerous vigilante and seeks to expose him.

This gives birth to a real branch of possibilities. Can Superman really be considered a hero? Or is he just an alien invader bringing his extra-terrestrial vendettas to our humble planet and knocking down an entire urban conurbation in the process? Sadly, director Zack Snyder prunes this sapling before it even has a chance to dig its roots in.

Yep, in typical fashion, things devolve into yet another dull ‘I’ll jab you through a skyscraper, then you stand up and right hook me into a lorry, then we’ll both painfully stand up and throw yet another haymaker at each other and cause a cool explosion’ series of duels between powerful beings. At least the characters remember the film’s premise and have the temerity to actually (and very awkwardly) acknowledge that the surrounding area is uninhabited this time.

This is consistent throughout. In the hands of, say, Nolan, the moral quandaries could have been drawn out in intriguing ways but alas Snyder’s only internal debate is whether to make a scene violent or gruesome, loud or deafening, and miserable or plain grim.

Another major problem is that the movie relies way too much on audience foreknowledge than any self-regarding film should. Yes, these are iconic characters stretching back way into the 20th Century, but that doesn’t mean you should automatically assume every viewer knows these characters’ back stories.

For example, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) is the young Mark Zuckerberg type, a tech magnate who has an irrational hatred for Superman. Why? We never find out, and the only plausible answer seems to be ‘well, he’s been his arch nemesis for going on 80 years in the comics, so that’s the only motivation he needs’.

Meanwhile, Lois Lane (Amy Adams) is still just there to act as Superman’s love interest and to be rescued. Seriously? I can’t believe it’s 2016 and one of the world’s most famous female character’s entire plot function is to be a damsel in distress and be rescued at frequent intervals to test Superman’s resolve.

On the good side, Affleck is a brilliant Batman. There was a huge outcry when he was announced; universally panned as the man not fit to lace the boots of Christian Bale, never mind fill them.

Such is the folly of an internet know-it-all, he and his grizzly chin steal the show. He’s a physical powerhouse, the dapper playboy, the serious businessman, an obsessive authoritarian, and a relentless detective. He’s the best part about the film, and his questionable motivations and even more dubious methods that are antithesis to the Batman we all know and love makes him even more intriguing.

In fact, you get the feeling that Snyder just wanted to make a Batman film but was saddled with answering the ‘what happened next’ of Man of Steel.

Superman just drags the film down, with a very wooden Cavill as bland and forgettable as he is handsome. Would you even recognise him if he walked into the room? Considering he’s playing pop culture’s most iconic character, I’d wager that answer would be shockingly few.

As the film’s subtitle suggests, Snyder also had to set up for the two-parter Justice League movies, the first of which comes out next year as the DC answer to The Avengers. Unfortunately, this is done by unsubstantiated cameos and awkward shoehorning. Whereas Marvel had five excellent standalone films before bringing them together, we get a couple of minutes of Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg appearing on a video tape. Patience is clearly not a virtue when there is cash to be made.

Ultimately, this is a series of missed opportunities. It’s overly-serious, lacking in humour or even ‘banter’ between the chief protagonists, and plot threads are linked either by outrageous coincidences or thematic leaps incoherent with the characters we know and love. Surprisingly, it’s Affleck’s Batman which rescues the film and leaves me somehow wanting more, and who would have thought that a couple of years ago?

Amazingly, I’ve only scraped the surface of what I could have written about this film, and it’s already one of my longest-ever reviews. That says it all about how this movie will polarise and divide opinion.

Despite the low rating you see below, I actually urge you to see it yourself and form your own opinion, as the chances are it will be wildly different for each of you. Disregarding that, it’s Batman versus Superman. If you wanted to see it, you are going to anyway regardless of what I say!

Showing at Novo Cinemas, Cineco, Seef I & II, Saar, Al Jazira, Dana Cineplex

Rating 2/5