Ask Betsy

Dear Betsy,
I keep getting a cold sore on my upper lip and it looks so ugly and sometimes it splits and bleeds, How can I stop this happening?
JB

Dear JB,
A cold sore or herpes simplex is highly contagious so you must make sure no one shares your towels, cup, glass, etc. and you should avoid kissing or being kissed!
Some are of the opinion that this is a virus that you have generally contracted early in your childhood and it lies dormant in your body and is triggered by certain things like exposure to the sun, fever, being traumatised,  poor nutrition, stress and being generally ‘run down’. 
You should keep the area dry and apply one drop of neat Tea Tree oil to the cold sore three times a day.  DO not use any make-up in this area and if you have used a lipstick whilst having a cold sore, throw it away as it will be contaminated.
You can also buy specific creams and lotions for this in the pharmacy or in some cases your physician may prefer to prescribe medicaments for the condition.
If you find they are recurring so often than maybe it’s time to do a health check and take stock of your life. Are you sleeping enough, are you drinking enough water, eating a nutritionally balanced diet, organising your daily routine to avoid stress etc?  If you are worried about your health then pop along to the doctor and have a chat and consultation. It is best to stay out of the sun if you have a cold sore and don’t scratch or pick at it if you want it to heal quickly and without leaving an unsightly scar.

If I cut my eyelashes off will they grow back long and thick?
Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,
This one was doing the rounds when I was at school! In a word, NO! I remember one girl at our school doing it as she was told the same thing. For years afterwards her nickname was “stubby”. 
Instead try using eyelash conditioners, many cosmetic companies make them now.  They usually look like a white mascara, contain vitamins and minerals and  can be applied  every night.
Alternatively you could also explore ‘falsies’. The long spidery look of the 60s and seventies is back in fashion this summer. Have fun with experimenting.

Dear Betsy,
I recognise myself as being a somewhat selfish human being as I work hard and don’t feel like putting myself out for anyone,  but don’t understand why my wife doesn’t ever plan a surprise birthday party for me.
My mate at work has a great wife who is always doing great things like this for him and she just planned a cool dinner for his 35th birthday.
I feel a bit left out and feel it shows me up a bit at work when nothing like this happens to me. I asked my wife about it and she just said “Are you serious?” I was actually, so how do I get her to be a better wife?
JB a suffering husband

Dear JB,
Well ... several replies spring to mind, but let’s start with “do unto others as you would have done unto you”. Do you ever do nice things for your wife?  My granny used to tell me that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar ... and she was never wrong.
At least you are admitting that you are selfish, that’s a very good place to start, as recognising our faults can be the first step to correcting them. Working hard is a normal way of life for most of us, so try to find ways to energise yourself after work.
A quick visit to the gym, a swim, game of tennis with a friend. The worst thing to do is go home and do nothing.  Why not spend time with your wife (and kids if you have any) doing family things to help you bond more. Dare I be as bold as to suggest that you take my advice in the first line of this reply and plan a nice surprise for your wife?
It could be as simple as cooking her dinner, taking her out to the cinema, giving her a foot massage, running her a warm scented bath with candles, or planning a romantic weekend away. We girls need to feel appreciated and be pampered by the man in our life every now and again, just as you guys need to be too.
Show her how much she means to you and I am sure she will return the favour many times over. When you have a truly nurturing relationship with your wife then you won’t be worried about what your mates at work are doing or thinking ... you will be too busy revisiting those happy times and planning more of them.

Dear Betsy,
We are six girls working in an office. We are all friends but we have a problem. One of the girls has started to smell badly every day. She is a good girl but now the bad smell is always there. How do we tell her without causing an upset please?
Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,
We have around five million sweat glands and hot weather, stress and anxiety can all make us sweat profusely. We need to sweat to help regulate our body’s temperature and it is a natural body function.  It only becomes a problem when poor personal hygiene is practiced.
This is a tricky situation where you need to try to let her know about her offensive body odour (BO) without hurting her feelings. Instead of coming right out with it, you could consider “role playing”.
Enlist the help of another one of your colleagues and when you are all together (make sure the girl in question is sitting right beside you) ask your colleague to say: “Hey Good Friend, I hope I don’t smell, it is so hot and I feel I am sweating so badly today” and she can raise her arm and pretend to sniff underneath. 
You can respond by sympathising with her and then asking the other girl, if she worries about that too. Talk about your favourite deodorant and how you like to always shower before coming to work and you always wear clean, fresh clothes every day to make sure you don’t have a bad body odour.
Discuss this  in a lighthearted way that  is enough to make this girl think about the subject and consider her own personal hygiene.
If this subtle approach does not work then I am afraid you need to decide either to speak to her about it privately in a very sensitive, friendly way, girl to girl, or if you don’t feel you can do this, then you need to explain the situation to your supervisor/manager.
 He/she can then deal with it either directly, by speaking to the girl or in a more creative way by sending a memo to all of you saying now that summer is here and you all work in close confinement, please pay special attention to personal hygiene etc. and offering some tips on staying cool and fresh in the summer.
Many people, girls and boys, think showering or bathing regularly is enough. However,  perspiration can turn into a stale BO when left unchecked and it can really be difficult to remove this odour from clothing.
It is best to shower in the morning, using a soap or shower gel, then apply a deodorant. It is vital to always wear fresh clothes each day as stale clothes will have stale smells. I recommend using a deodorant rather than an antiperspirant. An antiperspirant is designed to prevent you from ‘sweating’ but this is not healthy as we need to sweat as it is one way we regulate our body temperature and also excrete waste products through the skin. If you have sensitive skin then it is best to avoid a highly-perfumed or chemical-based deodorant. Research also points  to certain chemicals in antiperspirants or deodorants being labeled as carcinogenic.
Personally, I prefer to use a natural Crystal Deodorant which has no smell and no chemicals and works all day long.  It can also be applied to the soles of the feet (another BO spot) and won’t irritate even the most sensitive skin. It looks like a large chunk of  salt crystal which you simply wet and rub onto your under arm area and/or soles of the feet. You can find several brands in the local supermarkets and pharmacies for around BD1, and as it lasts for up to six months. It is also a very economical way to stay fresh.
Of course, personal hygiene is only one aspect of BO as diet can play an important part. Eating lots of spicy or garlic laden foods means your perspiration will also tend to be more spicy and garlic laden! It should also be noted that sometimes there can be an underlying medical reason for excessive sweating, called ‘hyperhydrosis’ making it more challenging to stay fresh, although this is quite rare and usually only affects around one per cent of the population.
Try to stay calm and if you feel stressed then take a few deep breaths, have a cool glass of water or cup of tea (helps to cool you down).
My final suggestion to you is to leave this page lying around the office for your colleague to read.

Betsy says relax...
TREAT yourself to an early night. Sleep helps all of our body’s repair processes and dream-time could be crucial for your problem solving abilities. Apart from anything else you won’t look like something the cat dragged in after a decent time in the land of nod.