Ladies, show us your love

Dear Betsy,
I read the letter from the lady whose husband is never in a romantic mood and your reply with such excellent suggestions.

I hope lots of women read it carefully and learn how to be kind and thoughtful to their husbands. 
I wonder if women ever stop to think how difficult it is for a man when we are tired, under stress to perform at work, keep our jobs and pay all the bills, plan for the family future, try to insure against misfortune, then come home and interact with the kids, listen to my wife’s complaints about the maid, the gardener and the neighbours and demands for more money, bigger house, new car, expensive holiday etc.
After all of this, the last thing I want is to be put under pressure to perform in the bedroom.
Some women have it easy in this life and they expect to be waited on hand and foot by their husband even when they don’t want to do anything to look after him and make him feel loved and appreciated.
Ladies, try nurturing your husband. We are human, not machines and have soft hearts and emotions. Show us you love and cherish us and lighten the load from our shoulders. Thanks Betsy for your words of advice and I hope many wives read them and took them seriously.
Depression is not exclusive to females; we men suffer too but can’t show it for fear of being accused of wimpish, non-masculine behaviour.
 Just reading your reply gave me some hope so I am off to buy a bottle of that magic oil in the hope my wife read your article too.
Harry the Worrier
Dear Harry the Worrier,
I am sure many of our readers will be as touched as I was when I read your letter. 
You come across as a caring, sensitive man who feels he is only tolerated as the family provider and feels neglected and isolated.
I am sorry you seem to feel so unloved and I urge you to sit down and talk to your wife about your feelings. 
I suspect that you have been a marvelous husband and father, always finding a way to give your family whatever materials things they ask for. But at what cost?  At great expense it seems to me….not just financially but in terms of your health and well being.
My eldest son Tariq’s favourite saying is “your health is your wealth” and he is correct. No new car or expensive holiday is worth depression and stress. 
If you don’t handle this now it will only get worse.  Your wife needs to understand how you feel and that ultimately, if she is not more considerate then eventually you may become too ill to work and perhaps jeopardise your job putting your family’s future in question.
Obviously these are the sort of things you are worrying about constantly, as any responsible adult does, but you need support from your wife and family.  
Marriage counseling may help you both and  there are several physicians offering this service or you could talk to your religious leader if that is an important part of your lives. 
We all suffer from stress and need to find an effective way to manage stress in our daily lives.
Firstly, it is important to recognise your ‘stressors” before you can find a way to effectively manage them.
We are all different and what stresses you is not necessarily what stresses your wife, and vice versa. Try making a list of what drives you crazy, (this might surprise you when you see it in black and white) and then write a list of what makes you happy and relaxed, (this may also surprise you).
Next try to eliminate at least one of those crazy stressors each day and try to include one of the things that make you happy and relaxed every day. 
This can be something as simple as taking a long hot shower when you get home from work, to a glass of your favourite beverage with dinner, to a quiet half hour reading to the kids at bedtime. 
There are many stress management techniques you can try and I would urge you to explore these.
Try searching the internet or pick up a book on stress management. Of course, it can also be very helpful to have a chat with your GP to rule out any medical problems and set your mind at rest. 
Stress is real, it exists and it affects us all so it is nothing to be ashamed of Harry. Good luck with the ‘magic oil’ and other essential oils that can elevate the spirits and help with depression are grapefruit, bergamot, jasmine, geranium and my personal favourite is frankincense. 
In a successful marriage, good communication is vital and communication is a two way street, so talk to each other, although non-verbal communication can be very interesting too!

• Have you got a favourite stress-buster you would like to share with us? Please email
betsymathieson@hotmail.com