Joys of parenthood

AS a parent it's a fair assumption that it's up to us to teach our children the valuable life lessons that will hold them in good stead as they grow up into adults ... but if we look carefully we get to learn from them too.

This week I was given the opportunity to learn twice in as many days from my teenage son (yes, I said it; I'm old enough to have a teenage son - but let's not dwell on that depressing thought!).

Much as I've never really been one to hold grudges, I'm the first to admit I can be more than a little hot tempered at times. Luckily though, along with the temper goes the instinct to forgive and forget quickly.

I've never seen the point of going on about something when the person has apologised and when it's over, it's over - rarely is the subject brought up again. But I do have to admit to just the tiniest bit of residue resentment that lingers at the back of my mind for a day or two before I forget all about it. Not so, with Michael.

As any parent of a teenage boy will know, there seems to be an invisible transformation that happens the day after they turn 13. One day they're reasonably well-behaved, dutiful children and the very next day they've been abducted and replaced by an alien from the planet teen - surly, moody, angry with the world and convinced all adults are the enemy. When challenged on behaviour a common answer is: "I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to."

Little surprise then when I had to pull my son up on his behaviour that the conversation ended with my serious temper tantrum that resulted in my having to send him to his room.

When that happens it's all too easy to second guess yourself as seeing your child upset is one of the most painful things any parent can go through.

For the first time I was at such a loss for what to do that I ended up calling my mother to tell her how much I finally appreciated the hell I must have put her through growing up.

We discussed the situation and she assured me I was in the right and not to fall into the trap of just letting it go, as I'd just told her I wanted to.

She told me to give him time to calm down and then go and try to talk to him calmly like an adult and explain the what and the why to him. Good sound advice that I never got the chance to use as the minute I walked out of my room, he was right there in front me, apologising and letting me know that he understood what he'd done wrong.

Peace was made and in the blink of an eye there wasn't even the tiniest of signs anything had ever been wrong in the first place.

Lesson one - humility.

Even as adults we have a hard time admitting and understanding why we're wrong and the word sorry can often stick in our throats.

To do so as an adolescent is much, much harder.

The next day Michael taught me a second lesson when he had a falling out with a boy at school and he was left the worse for wear, not only did he not want me know or do anything about it, his first instinct when he next saw the boy was to forgive completely and tell me that as far as he was concerned it had never happened.

The pupil became the teacher. Talk about a humbling experience!