Fail to plan and plan to fail!

Dear Betsy, I SEEM to remember you wrote a piece some time ago about things to do in the New Year to make life better.

Can you give me a list of 10 things I can do to improve my life in general this year?

I am the wrong side of 50, overweight, workaholic, sadly single and very unfit. I also don't have much time to spend on myself.

Alan, the Apache Mountain Man

Dear Alan,

Thank you for remembering my 2008 column about changing your life.

We all feel a bit pressured into at least pretending we are going to make changes in the year ahead.

I feel the most important piece of advice I can give you is to be 'realistic'. Too many of us set largely impossible goals, therefore setting ourselves up for failure.

This is the worst thing you can do Alan, as it is obvious to me that you are suffering from low self-esteem.

Learn to set small easily attainable goals and praise yourself.

For instance, you have told me only negative things about yourself. I am sure you have many positive sides too. Try writing a list of your five best traits. I can hear you struggling already, so let me help you. Are you kind? Loyal, tidy, a good listener, gentle, sensitive, caring? I am sure you can think of many now.

You also say you have little time to spend on yourself. This has to change because without focusing on YOU and learning to love yourself then you will be disappointed with your progress.

Just ask yourself Alan: "What is the most important investment I can make this year?"

Your answer should be: "Invest in ME." This is not self-indulgent, it is vital.

Not having enough time is a commonly-used excuse, often because people may feel they don't deserve to spend time on themselves and if they can rush around in a frantic state most of the day, then they don't have time to stop and face up to their true feelings.

So, Alan stop and plan your day ahead. I know I have driven my two sons mad over the years with my favourite maxim ... fail to plan, plan to fail. This is as true in your personal life as it is in the corporate world.

Planning allows you to manage your time effectively and to fit in those activities that are truly important to you.

Write down everything you did yesterday. Now, write down a list of all the things you should have done or would have liked to have done, but didn't get round to. Do you see what I mean? I bet you will find that you ran around doing several totally unnecessary and thankless tasks that could have been replaced with a couple of wonderful things like listening to your favourite album or reading a couple of chapters of your favourite book.

This simple exercise can be very revealing and even for those who think they are good with their time management skills, it is something I recommend doing every couple of months to ensure you stay on track.

Now, let's work at turning those negatives into positives to help you really turn your life around. Let's look at those things you said about yourself:

Wrong side of 50? On the contrary, being that age means you have the experience and wisdom to know what you really want in life and more importantly what you don't want in your life. Keep telling yourself how fabulous it is to be in your 50s (I love being there myself).

Overweight and unfit? Well, the positive aspect here is that you recognise this and so that is the first step to change. Take a leaf out of our Editor Stan the Man's book and try visiting the Dream Body Centre in Seef. Not only will you lose weight and increase your fitness levels, but the release of those feel good endorphins will soon give way to an addictive rush that will help increase yourself confidence and self-esteem.

Why are you sad to be single? You may be lonely sometimes, but you can change that.

In 2008 I found myself officially single again after 28 years, but I decided to celebrate my singleness and appreciate all those positive aspects like being able to read/watch TV/paint my nails in bed without an argument, go to bed and wake when I wanted, cook what and when I liked, enjoy the fact that I could make my own decisions and I woke up to the reality that the world truly is my oyster.

Plan to do all those things you have always wanted to but never got round to.

I understand that you might be lonely sometimes, so accept every invitation; you never know where it might lead or who you might meet. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself just won't work. Be proactive and positive, plan ahead for your weekends and take the initiative and invite friends to join you for dinner or the cinema.

Finally, you say you are a workaholic, well in my experience most workaholics are in that category because that is exactly where they want to be! Many workaholics are avoiding facing up to their real life, after all it is so easy to use the excuse of 'I have to work' instead of dealing with your issues.

I can hear a cacophony of complaints from our workaholic readers, but before you email me telling me how wrong I am, please, take a moment and consider what I just said.

If you really want to be with your family or friends instead of in the office then you can find a way to do that without compromising your professional standards or productivity.

How? Simple really, go back to 'fail to plan, plan to fail'.

It's all in your hands, Alan and you can do it, so just get on with it!

Finally, remember to give yourself a KISS ... Keep It Simple Stupid ... in everything you do, Alan.

BETSY SAYS RELAX

Take a moment to sit down in your favourite chair or do this when you get into bed. The solar plexus is the seat of all our emotional turmoil and you are going to learn to release any negativity by performing this simple cleansing and relaxing exercise. Make sure your legs are uncrossed and sit or lie comfortably. Place your two hands flat on your tummy directly under where your breastbone ends, between your ribs. Your two middle fingers should be touching. Take a deep breath through your nose and breathe out slowly through your open mouth. If you are breathing correctly, your hands should rise up as you breathe in.

With each breath in, repeat in your mind the word 'relax', giving yourself permission to float away and release any tension. Repeat this for two or three minutes and don't be surprised if you find yourself nodding off.

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING THIS WEEK

AS we experience the momentary discomforts of the cool, wet weather in the kingdom this week, think for a moment of the Palestinians who have no food, water, shelter, medicines or electricity. Text '1' on 991111 if you are a Batelco customer or text '1' to 1111 if you are a Zain subscriber. It will cost you BD1 on your next telephone bill. A small price to pay for being human.