SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR WIFE

Dear Betsy,I thought that was a picture of my living room in your column last week about the messy flat mate.

My wife is a hopeless housekeeper. I come home to a living room like a dog's dinner regularly. She is sloppy, untidy and basically lazy.

She doesn't work and stays home all day but the house is always a mess.

She doesn't even take the kids to school or pick them up as they get the bus. I keep asking her what she does all day, but she just screams at me and says I don't understand.

What can I do to get her to clean up more? Her cooking is awful even after 12 years of being married. Can you give me some really simple recipes for her?

MC.

Dear MC,

I am tempted to ask, shouldn't you have signed yourself as MCP? Because that is exactly how you sound to me. If I need to explain this further to you, then that just proves my point even more. (phone a friend or ask the audience if you need further explanation).

As for giving you some simple recipes for your wife, I think you are the one who needs a recipe. A recipe for cooking up some respect, concern and understanding for your poor wife who obviously is unhappy and most probably depressed.

Not really surprising if you are so unsympathetic and demanding. Look beyond that messy living room and try to see the unhappy mess that is her life.

If she isn't working and doesn't leave the house to take the kids to school then maybe she is feeling isolated, maybe she feels inadequate, maybe she feels that she will never live up to your impossibly high standards, maybe she feels unloved and unappreciated.

Maybe you need to think about all of this and put together a few special ingredients like several liberal spoonfuls of thoughtfulness, a cup of understanding and a generous dollop of love.

Mix it together very carefully and serve it whilst still warm. Serve it daily. Take a good look in the mirror and what you see might make that messy living room pale into insignificance. Am I being harsh? Maybe, but for some of us, shock therapy is the only way to go.

For further inspiration, read those immortal lines from To A Louse by Robert Burns:

'O wad some power, the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!

It wad frae monie a blunder free us

An foolish notion

What airs in dress and gait wad lea'e us

An ev'n devotion.'

If you need a translation, then I suggest that your linguistic skills are not the only area in your education that is left wanting. Maybe you would do better to read another of Mr Burns' works, written in 1792, entitled, The Rights of Women. Here are the first two verses.

'While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things

The fate of empires and the fall of kings

While quacks of State must each produce his plan,

And even children lisp the Rights of Man,

Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,

The Rights of Women merit some attention

First in the sexes' intermix'd connection,

One sacred Right of Woman is Protection,

The tender flower that lifts its head elate,

Helpless must fall before the blasts of fate,

Sunk on the earth, defac'd its lovely form,

Unless your shelter ward th' impending storm.'

As I write these words, it occurs to me that those responsible for formatting Bahrain's new Family Law could do a lot worse than take Burns' words into account.

Words which were written over two hundred years ago but were never more true than they are in our society today.

Dear Betsy,

I know that people write to you with all sorts of problems and you help them find solutions. My problem is that I am very shy and find it impossible to talk to colleagues.

This means they think I am being a snob and think I am better than them. It is not true Betsy but I don't know how to get over this shyness and make friends. I am a lady in her 30s, unmarried and unhappy. What can I do to become happy? Please help me Betsy, as I know you have helped others.

RP.

Dear RP,

Do you know how many people reading this will identify with your feelings?

Lots of us are shy and this is sometimes interpreted as arrogance or indifference meaning others are tempted to give you a wide berth when what you really need is a patient, persistent friend. We don't all find it easy to interact with others and reveal our character, thoughts and feelings to others. We all know and perhaps admire, those gregarious, outgoing characters who seem to so effortlessly share the most intimate details of their lives with all and sundry without a second thought.

Their noisy, boisterous behaviour often masks how they are really feeling ... painfully shy. This is a commonly used coping mechanism for shyness and whilst I realise it will not work for everyone, you might like to try 'pretending' you feel confident and outgoing and try to emulate that sort of behaviour. I don't mean two extremes, but at first you could try just instigating a simple conversation with a colleague. Ask what they thought about the lead story on the news that morning for example.

Another way to instigate a conversation but to get others to do the talking is to ask for advice on a professional problem. I could give you the usual bog standard agony aunt reply and tell you to get out there and join clubs, associations and societies to help you overcome your shyness, but my intuition is telling me that the best way for you to go forward is to begin with your work colleagues, as I feel this is where you feel inadequate and uneasy.

Boost your self-confidence by making sure you take good care of yourself and that you are always well-groomed and presented. Listen and observe what others are interested in and ask them about it.

We all love to talk about ourselves and the things we love.

Once you start to do this it will become easier and easier to overcome your shyness and others will see you in a different light. Just remember, happiness and pleasure are not things that someone else will drop into your lap. You have to go out there and find and grab them yourself.

Give yourself permission to be happy and you will. Be unashamed in your pursuit of pleasure and soon you will see the beautiful butterfly emerge from the suffocating chrysalis that is your life at the moment.

Life is not a rehearsal, this really is your live performance and you should relish every moment of it. So, as I have said before, put your CAP on: be committed, ambitious and passionate in everything you do, whether it is brushing your teeth or writing up that office document and you will soon reap results that will inspire you to keep striving and achieving.

You have already taken that all important first step, by writing to me, so go for it and good luck.

BETSY SAYS RELAX

IT is time for spring cleaning. Get rid of the emotional clutter in your life. Write a list of all the things/people/situations that cause you grief or anxiety. Devise strategies to help you remove these things and situations and plan ways to help you cope with the people who fall into that category.

It could be something as simple as learning to say 'no' to others' demands and say 'yes' to putting yourself first. Try it for only an hour a day and once you start to reap the rewards I bet you will find that the road to self preservation becomes remarkably easy.

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING THIS WEEK

Some of you moan about the lack of cultural events here in the kingdom, so this March make sure you visit some of the diverse events on offer at the Spring of Culture.

Marionettes, music, poetry there is an endless choice to suit all tastes so treat yourself and your family to a cultural feast.