Watch out, she'll do a Shirley

DEAR BETSY,

What do I do with an uncaring husband? I work full time and so does he. We have a dog, a cat and two kids who are away at university in Australia.

I thought once they left, my household chores would lessen, but it gets worse and worse.

I have to take the dog for its twice daily walk, I have to feed the pets and change the cat litter, I have to cook dinner every day, I have to do the cleaning, laundry and shopping.

I get little or no thanks in return, and his untidiness and laziness just gets worse.

Our love life died a long time ago and all my efforts to revive it have failed.

I am slim, try to always dress smartly, have my hair done regularly and make sure his every need is taken care of.

What has gone wrong? How can I get him to change? He used to be caring and loving.

Mrs Loveless.

Dear Mrs Loveless,

I am not surprised you are slim, with all that housework, dog walking and full time job. I am surprised that you are asking me 'what has gone wrong?'

It is obvious that you have been doing far too much for your husband all of these years. In your own words, you 'make sure his every need is taken care of'.

With your basic Neanderthal man, this is a mistake. A BIG mistake. You have made life far too easy and comfortable for him and as a result, he has become lazy and demotivated.

I think it is time for him to rediscover his 'discomfort zone'. As I see it, you have three choices here. First of all, you could go away to visit your kids for a few weeks and leave him to cope alone.

I have a feeling it would not be long before he would be calling on the telephone and asking you to come home once he realises how hard you have been working to keep the household running smoothly.

This would be your opportunity to lay down some new ground rules about hiring a maid, sharing household chores and explaining to him that when you return you expect to be treated with love and respect.

Alternatively, you could always do a Shirley Valentine which, for some is seen as an alternative, pleasurable way to revive a flagging marriage. In case you have not seen this popular movie, it is sort of based around a middle aged, taken-for-granted housewife who has reached the end of her tether, going away alone on holiday.

I won't go into details as I don't want to spoil the movie for you or other readers who have not seen it. Suffice to say, when it was released, its message was so powerful that it struck fear into the hearts of a large percentage of the middle-aged male populace in the UK. It also had a powerful effect on similarly-aged UK females who either suddenly found their husbands had become much more attentive or, they found themselves on a charter fight to Greece. Either way, it put a smile on their faces!

There is a third choice. You could rent Shirley Valentine and watch it with your husband. Just make sure he stays awake until the end. If you find this is proving impossible, Gulf Air has direct non-stop flights to Greece every day of the week.

Dear Betsy,

What natural remedies can I use to protect myself from swine flu when I travel this summer?

BKJ

Dear BKJ,

The first thing to do is not to worry and stress about it, as this can weaken your immune system and actually make you more susceptible to illnesses such as flu.

Wearing a surgical mask when traveling, especially on a plane, bus or train, is a good idea.

Wash your hands frequently either with hot water and soap or using an antibacterial gel cleanser if you do not have access to water.

Try not to touch door handles with your hands, use your elbows or pull your sleeve down and cover the door handle with it before opening it.

When you are on stairs on an escalator, don't touch the handrails as these harbor lots of germs.

I recommend using a spray of tea tree oil mixed with some lavender oil, to clean and sterilize areas and items. Tea tree essential oil is a very powerful anti-viral agent and is the world's most effective natural anti bactericidal agent. It has even been shown to kill off some of those nasty hospital super-bugs that have become resistant to even the strongest doses of antibiotics.

I spray it onto my airplane or train seat and onto the seat arms etc and those fold down lap trays which have got to be a hot bed of horrid germs and are usually barely clean. I also always take my own pillow and blanket with me on long haul flights.

A large pashmina is a great travel companion as it is warm but light and is very versatile throughout a trip. I always travel with an oversized black one which doubles up as a shawl on chilly days and easily matches most outfits.

Public toilets are a minefield of germs so take your tea tree spray and wipe down the toilet seat and the taps and washbasin. If you don't have tea tree with you, then use your eau de toilette spray or those ones that are sometimes found in the aeroplane toilets. It is not as effective but at least the relatively high alcohol content will have a cleansing effect. As will one of those small in flight bottles of vodka.

Doctors tell us it is important not to keep touching your eyes or mouth as it is easy for the virus to enter our bodies in this way.

You could also consider taking supplements such as 1000mg per day of vitamin C and/or Echinacea tablets. These may help strengthen your immune system, but nothing is more important than a sound nutritionally balanced diet, enough sleep and regular gentle exercise to keep us strong and healthy.

Jet lag may weaken your immune system for the two or three days it can take for your body to recover and adapt, so to lessen the effects of jet lag try to get yourself in tune with the local time as soon as you land.

Even if it is early morning at your destination and you have not slept on the flight, try to keep awake and get some fresh air and exercise. Go for a walk, drink lots of water, keep your brain busy by doing the local weekly crossword puzzle. Have a light supper and an early night and you will wake refreshed and ready to enjoy your vacation. Happy holidays!