Marie Claire

Was it something I said?

April 7 - 13, 2010
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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know you have to start a conversation but for the life of you, you can't think of what to say?

Whether it's because the other person is dull as dishwater or you simply don't have anything in common, you either need to come up with something to talk about or walk away.

In all honesty, most of us go blank in those situations and walking away (well running really) is the natural inclination but every now and again it's not an option, so we can either just stand there or take a deep breath and start talking. But, rather than blathering on about complete rubbish, here are a few tips on how to get started.

Offer a genuine compliment - it needs to be genuine otherwise you're going to run out of conversation before it's even started.

If you know the person and can think of something they've done that you have admired then say so, for example: "You're a very talented guitarist".

Talking about something the other person has a passion for will enable them to start talking easily on the subject and then all you have to do is make the odd 'ooh' or 'really?'. And, if they're passionate enough about the subject you'll soon pick up on their enthusiasm and ,more often then not, find an interesting question or comment of your own to add to the conversation.

If, on the other hand, you've never really met the person before and, therefore, have no idea about their interests, try something along the lines of: "I really like that shirt you're wearing". Hopefully it will lead to a conversation on where they got it and you can then lead on to other related topics.

Another good conversation starter is ... work. Ask them what they do and be prepared for the conversation to go either way. By which, I mean that the person might have a very interesting job, in which case the conversation will flow pretty easily but it's also possible that they hate their job, in which case empathising and swapping work horror stories will help you to form a bond and, before you know it, you can be laughing or groaning in sympathy for the other person's story.

Once you've broken the ice with either of those responses, it's a pretty safe bet that conversationally you will be able to keep things moving as long as necessary.

Starting a conversation about family on the other hand can be a little tricky but if that's all that comes to mind at the time try to ask about siblings rather than family.

You'll be surprised how many people have issues with their parents - whether due to a difficult upbringing or a death - so asking about siblings is a safer bet. You can ask them how many they have and where they place in within them.

Maybe you'll both be middle children, or the oldest, and this will straight away give common ground to cover. You can go on to ask them how similar or different they are from each other and how that has affected the way they get on. Family is such an unpredictable thing that it should open a host of other topic opportunities.

Other good topics of conversation are travel: "What's the one place you haven't been but would love to go to?" Or "Where did you last go on holiday?" This can lead on to any number of interesting or funny anecdotes.

Socialising: "I went to that new bar/ club/ restaurant (name) the other night, have you tried it yet?" With any luck even if they haven't tried the place yet, the conversation should then move on to other places of interest that you both know or you might even learn about a new place you haven't tried.

Interests/hobbies: "what do you do in your spare time?" or "what kind of films do you like?" When the other person answers, make an interesting or funny comment, compare notes and give some information about some of your own personal tastes.

At the end of the day, it's actually a lot easier than you would think to start a conversation, you just need to keep a cool head and think rather than stand there and panic. The chances are that if you're standing there feeling uncomfortable then they are too and if you can bring up a topic of conversation, they will jump at it and try to keep it going as well.

Just remember to always keep it positive and light hearted. Be complimentary where possible, be sure to keep it genuine, and remember that you don't know this person very well so it might not be appropriate to get overly personal. Good luck.







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