Road rage for Cage!

IT seems that variety is no longer the spice of life and dull tedium has taken over as the flavour of the week.

Although Nicolas Cage's last two cinematic offerings have left a bad taste in my mouth and made me feel dirty for having watched them, I just can't help myself from being optimistic whenever the Face Off star releases another movie.

I wait with baited breath for the day that the once-awesome Cage finally redeems himself for the relentless onslaught of drivel he has been polluting Hollywood with as of late.

So, you can imagine how disappointed I felt after seeing his latest offering, Drive Angry - an unimaginative, crass and totally atrocious cross between Ghost Rider and Gone in 60 Seconds.

John Milton (Cage) is a petty criminal who has spent the past decade in Hell for his sinful ways. Amidst the eternal torment and general suffering he endures, he gets wind of some disturbing events on earth.

Jonah King, the vicious cult leader who tricked Milton's daughter into joining his satanic gang after his death, takes things a step further. After killing her and her husband, he decides to abduct their daughter ... to give her a better life and lots of affection? No, to sacrifice her to the devil, duh!

When Milton discovers the heinous plan, he escapes from Hell (with relative ease) and tries to track down his granddaughter before it's too late.

After he finds out where the ritual is scheduled to take place he begins his quest to save her soul. However, since it's a long journey he stops by a diner for a quick bite to eat because, let's face it, we all know you can't save a soul on an empty stomach!

At the diner he meets a pretty waitress Piper (Heard) who is experiencing some car trouble ... because Milton deliberately sabotaged her motor so he could 'fix' it and get a free ride to the ritual. You'd think that after a decade in Hell he'd be thankful for some fresh air?

Along the way, in between a plethora of superfluous explosions and a shocking dependence on 3D graphics to distract from the weak plot, the pair become fast friends (It's painfully obvious what that eventually leads to) and they begin to share some deep dark secrets about their pasts.

While all this is going on, one of the devil's stooges known as the accountant (finally proof that bean counters work for the devil!) arrives on earth to bring Milton back to Hell ... presumably so that he can join the audience who are already there watching this movie.

Cage has a knack for playing psychos but when it comes to playing an out-and-out tough guy he falls short every time. It also seems like he has lost himself in the realm of fantasy and if he expects to make a decent film anytime soon, he needs to come back to reality at the earliest opportunity.

I just can't understand Cage's reasons for his recent choice of roles besides the obviously huge pay cheques. I think I've actually reached the point where I'm willing to pay Cage not to act!

Do yourself a favour - avoid this movie at all costs. No popcorns this week!

Showing in Cineco, Seef I and Saar Cineplex