Laughing away to glory

They say laughter is the best medicine and last weekend at the Dilmun Club, there were enough chuckles in Candles Restaurant to rid the kingdom of glanders for good.

The social club hosted a night of stand-up comedy entitled Funny Bone featuring three professional joke slingers from across the UK.

Kai Humphries, Vladimir McTavish and Stuart Goldsmith had the crowd in stitches with their routines that were presented slickly between Scottish comedian Steven Davidson’s introductions.

There are a couple of rules to live by when going to see a comedy show, rule number one don’t sit in the front row. Rule number two, if you are sat in the front row, be prepared to be picked on and, finally, rule number three, if you do get picked on, don’t answer back because you are a kid playing with matches and the comedian is a stick of dynamite.

As I took my front row seat next to my girlfriend and her parents I had a sense of trepidation intertwined with excitement.

As compere Steven took the stage to introduce the opening act I caught his eye and sensed the impending demise. ‘Is that your girlfriend?’ he began. Gulp. ‘Yes,’ I replied.

After being asked about the length of our relationship and if we were planning on getting married, I glanced over at her parents for a seal of approval and was met with expressionless stares and complete silence ...  I guess I’d better wait a while longer before popping that question, then.

Steven was an affable guy, even if he had the propensity to ask embarrassing questions. Luckily, he soon lay off us when he got chatting to Angus, a large Scot who became the audience participant-of-choice for all three comics, which left me free to enjoy the show.

The first act was Kai, a cheeky chap from Newcastle whose routine revolved around disguising embarrassing bodily functions and his beloved granddad Harry.

For me though, the highlight of his act was a bit about the ridiculous number of carpet shops in Adliya that had everyone clutching their sides from laughing so hard.

The strength of his material matched the strength of his impeccable delivery, which worked so well because of his unbridled enthusiasm and regional accent. I spent my university years ‘up north’ in England, so fortunately I’m fluent in Geordie-speak, but the poor Indian guy working the sound system looked lost.

He finished his act in a spectacular fashion by solving a Rubik’s Cube while telling a quick-fire sequence of jokes proving once and for all that men CAN multi-task.

Next up was Vladimir, a diminutive Scot with a very un-Scottish sounding name, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Rod Stewart if he were crossed with a Yorkshire Terrier … his words, not mine.

It was obvious from his on-stage presence and self-deprecating material that he’d spent years on the comedy circuit and his act went down a real treat, particularly with my potential in-laws. However, he seemed a little jittery and, as a result, some of his material came across a little forced.

He spent most of his set talking about the joys and drawbacks of being Scottish, which went down well with fellow countryman Angus. I almost keeled over when he said that Susan Boyle wasn’t bad looking by West Lothian standards.

Rounding off the night was Stuart Goldsmith. I was worried at first that his shirt was funnier than his patter, but he quickly put that thought to rest.

His boyish charms endeared him to the whole crowd as he balanced the line between crude and polite. In fact, he was so polite that he even asked people who were talking during his routine what they were talking about rather than spinning into an acerbic diatribe as I would have done if our roles were reversed.

This was testament to his skill as a comedian, his flawless segue from scripted material to improvisation was smooth, clean and, most importantly, hilarious.

 Some of the most noteworthy and ingenious material from this former street performer revolved around his misspent youth collecting money in a bowler hat, pets with ‘people’ names and the highs and lows of posh English people’s accents.

He finished his set with a fantastic bit about kicking a child in the head, which is not as cruel or illegal as it may sound.

At the end of the night, everyone in the audience agreed that it was a brilliant evening, a point cemented by the fact that people were still chuckling on the way home.
– Charlie Holding