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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is exactly what I expected … absolute drivel.
The attempt to transform a classic Brothers Grimm fairytale into a modern and dark Middle Ages story failed dismally … but at least I was entertained throughout.
I’m not quite sure if the parts of the film I enjoyed were intentionally funny, but either way, it made the movie bearable. From bad-turned-good giant ogres to Hansel’s sweet-tooth, which made him the first recorded diabetic, it all added to the fantasy element … the movie isn’t trying to be realistic, it knows its stupid and it’s working with it.
I admitted to GulfWeekly readers recently that I was a 3D convert after watching Life of Pi … but after this film, I’m back on the hate wagon.
The vomit-inducing effect made me feel dizzy and I was confused most of the time as to whose butt was getting kicked in the downright brutal violence. It seemed like director Tommy Wirkola just added as many knives, shrapnel and brooms flying at the screen as possible to get some ooo’s and ahh’s from the audience.
I think the excessive violence was added to distance the movie from the children’s fairy tale genre and normally this would be a real bonus, but in this case it was too much.
The viewers are introduced to the classic story we all know and love. Siblings Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton) have been abandoned in the woods by their father who has taken orders from their mum.
The pair stumble upon a delicious looking house in the woods and are captured by an evil witch who feeds Hansel all the sweets he can eat (the reason behind his diabetes) so that she can plump him up and then eat him.
However, the two successfully fight back and burn her alive in an oven.
Many years later, the audience is introduced to a much older Hansel and Gretel. They move from village to village hunting down witches and killing them (seems like they’re holding a grudge).
After the mayor of Augsburg calls the bounty hunters for help, the brother-sister duo have their hands full slaying a number of witches before meeting the town’s super witch, Muriel (Janssen), who is abducting children in her quest for immortality.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s enough action to keep the viewers entertained, but the characters take a backseat to the action. For example, the viewers find out that both Hansel and Gretel are immune to magic … they eventually explain why, but I didn’t really need to be told because I didn’t care.
Since there’s only so long Wirkola can stretch killing witches, he adds a love story between Hansel and Mina (Pihla Viitala) and a creepy stalker/fan of the siblings, Ben (Thomas Mann), as well as the mean sheriff of the town (Stormare) who gets in the way of the witch hunt.
Most of the actors are just walking through the movie. Renner was expressionless and didn’t seem to put any effort into his role at all. Arterton wasn’t too bad but her acting will not be remembered and I expected more. Their relationship may have also been confused as a love affair at certain points, which I found very disturbing – I’m certainly not that touchy with my brother.
Jenssen was the most compelling as she looked like she was having fun with her role. She didn’t frighten me but at least she drew me in … sometimes.
Having said this, the most likeable and genuine character in the movie is a computer-generated ogre named Edward, who is used as the witches’ henchman. He’s the only character I cared about and his presence provided the film with a little emotion.
I’m not saying the movie is good by any means, in fact it’s quite awful. There’s no twist, the characters are underwhelming and the story is silly, but if you have a sense of humour and have 88 minutes to spare – why not check it out?
*Showing in Cineco, Seef II, Saar Cineplex, Al Jazeera Cineplex and Dana Cinema
