Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
Another year goes by … and another iteration of J M Barrie’s 1904 play sees the light of day. The question I asked before I saw this latest effort was ‘why did they bother?’ and, I’m afraid, the question I asked after I’d seen it was ‘why did I bother?’
Seriously, how many versions of this story do we need? Disney’s iconic animated version of 1953 and Robin William’s fresh retelling-cum-sequel Hook in 1991 are classics, but the rest are the same old, about the Boy Who Never Grew Up.
Still, I was willing to give Pan a try for the simple fact that it’s a good story in the first place (hence the piles of adaptions over the years) and it has Hugh Jackman in it. Unfortunately, the narrative is mediocre and the fearsome Aussie’s presence is not enough to save this feature from walking the plank.
If I’m being honest, the film is actually intriguing to start off with. Director Joe Wright wisely decided to Tinker (sorry!) with the formula and create his own origin story for the characters, so even though many plot beats are boringly familiar, there is some originality at least.
Of course, the familiar raft of characters are all present here, either as an integral part of the plot or shoehorned in for that brief nudge-your-neighbour ‘oh, it’s him!’ moment in the cinema.
Events begin as Peter (Miller) is dumped on the steps of a London orphanage by his mother, Mary (Seyfried). The nun in charge of the institution, Mother Barnabas, is a cruel woman who hides food and sentimental belongings from the children.
When Peter and his chums are caught stealing food to distribute among his starving friends, Barnabas sells the orphans to a bunch of pirates hailing from ‘Neverland’. They use the children for slave labour, primarily to dig up crystals of fairy dust for their nefarious leader, Blackbeard (Jackman).
The first time we are introduced to this evil brute is when things start to go seriously wrong, for both the characters and the film. Blackbeard sails in on his galleon while his slave crew gleefully chant … wait for it … Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit.
Yes, you read that correctly. Maybe Lithium would have been a better choice as that’s what the director must have been inhaling when he made this decision.
Regardless, Peter makes friends with a fellow miner named James Hook (yes, that one) and we eventually learn that the boy in green may be the child spoken of in a prophecy, one who has the power to end Blackbeard’s evil reign and save Neverland.
My biggest gripe is that the story is told really clumsily. Ideas and important plot points never have a smooth flow. Rather, the film comes lurching to a halt to fill the audience in, whether via a clichéd magic tree or magic water, or even worse, with an awkward incongruous voiceover having to stop the animation to fill in the blanks.
The finale is even worse, it just doesn’t fit all that well with the story we have been told and have been exposed to for the last century. It is a conclusion that is there to thrill rather than to fit the tale.
In a Neverland where everything is larger than life, it will come as no surprise that performances have a tendency to be rather broad. Pan is just plain old goody-two-shoes Pan, while Jackman’s Blackbeard relishes his ability to command thousands and to send slaves to their deaths every day. Both characters just enjoy being the hero and the villain too much to be compelling, as there’s no mystique over their motivations.
Hook is more of a cowboy-type, a rogue but with a good heart. Essentially, Han Solo has knocked 20 years off his life and transported into an alternate universe that doesn’t suit him or the character we all know will grow to be one of history’s most notorious fantasy villains.
One saving grace is Smee, who provides legitimate comic relief in a movie filled with (usually failed) attempts at humour.
The special effects aren’t particularly up to much either, as they try to make Neverland look magical and otherworldly. Sadly, they go too far so it looks completely unrealistic and like the film was made on a computer screen.
For a movie that clearly required a lot of time and effort, Pan ends up feeling rather slapdash. Many of the individual scenes work on their own and can be fun to look at, but few fit into the larger picture, which is plain silly when you take a step back and look at it.
Add a lack of compelling characters, and you have to wonder what the need to produce this actually was. In an industry crying out for originality, revisiting a tale that’s been told a thousand times and been done to perfection decades before seems utterly pointless.
Flush this one down the Pan, you won’t be Hooked.
Showing at Cineco, Seef I, Saar, Al Jazira, Novo Cinemas, Dana Cineplex
