Tattle Tales

Stretch weeps like a girl, and the Mauler’s still absent

October 4 - 11, 2006
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Gulf Weekly Stretch weeps like a girl, and the Mauler’s still absent

Well, the much-needed couple of weeks of R&R on Paradise Island are nearly over and we will be winging our way back to Q-Land apres the weekend.

It’s been a very relaxing time and being the guests of the Duke and Duchess of Jasra you know you are assured of the very best in hospitality PLUS we had a choice of five different brands of ale to sip whilst sitting on the porch watching the sun go down.
Saying that we won’t be short of a pint or two when we get home as I bought 12 cases of the good old Dutch green-canned lager before we left and also four boxes of vino for ‘Er Indoors as she’s partial to a toot or two apres dinner. Mind you, I think I made a bit of a blunder though, as back in Blighty these wine boxes usually hold three litres, but after getting back home after the trip to the “offey”I discovered that the Q-Land ones are five litres. “Whoops”, I said remembering that she’s going back to Blighty soon, but she never complained saying “well, wine doesn’t go off does it.” All I need to get now are three or four dozen lemons, 35 litres or so of soda plus half a ton of ice cubes and she’s set up for the remainder of Ramadan.
Had a great night out on Thursday having dinner with our old chums Amanda and Laughing Boy. Had to watch the amount of ale I consumed as it was my turn to drive, but you don’t need to get hammered to have a good time do you? (I often wonder what idiot actually said that) and it was nearly dawn when we finally arrived back at Jasra Palace only to find ourselves locked out (after the curfew) but luckily the Duchess had had a few chums around and whilst the front door may have been locked the back one wasn’t, so after volunteering ‘Er Indoors to get in the house past the dogs it was time to drag myself to bed for a much needed kip.
Met a few of the chaps on Friday including Casper the Ghost who has just arrived from Blighty and starts work in KSA next week, need to get out in the sun mate! Mad Dog the Postman made an appearance and stunned everyone when he explained that he now eats his necklaces rather than let them get stolen when he’s asleep (I think you’ll have to work that one out yourselves).
Had Stretch on the phone a few times weeping that Kev the Rev never got him any beer in before he got back from his trip to Jo’Burg. Now, usually that it a capital offence to leave a mate with an empty fridge, but as Kev is a new resident on Paradise Island we’ll only deduct 10 housepoints and make him sing a song at the Karaoke when JJ’s reopens. Sgt Bilko said that he had been invited out to a Poikee (excuse the spelling but Afrikaans was never one of my best subjects at school), he tried to explain what a Poikee was but I still have visions of an Irish tinker in a big black pot full of spuds, carrots and onions.
We all thought that the Mauler might have shown his face but he’s obviously still all loved up and not allowed out to play.







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